I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
