she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
