Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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