I'm lost and stupid without you.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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