I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
