lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
