There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You need Xanax blowdarts
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
