My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It's official drugs can't kill me
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
