his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
