you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
