We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
