I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
