This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
If I die, sorry about rent.
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