I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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