if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
the day after is always just damage control
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He felt like a one man threesome
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
