sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
