I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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