Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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