Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
