What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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