Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Found the puke drawer
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
