I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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