Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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