the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
