JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
