Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
