Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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