Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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