you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
