I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
