Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she told me i tasted like america
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We have so much sex to catch up on
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
