can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I need a beard to bite.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
