you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
