I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i think i have herpe
just one?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My feet surprised me
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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