Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
