I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
