Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
