Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
