If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Randomize
