Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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