My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
