Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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