The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
