1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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