Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
