Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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