ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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