The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
