I heard we made out
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
