Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
