If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
