New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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