I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
my poor anus
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
