my mouth tastes like poor choices
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
