she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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