So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He shit in the fireplace
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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