every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My vagina just recognized that song.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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