Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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