when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
