I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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