My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
