Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
