I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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